Everything I learnt from 10 days of silent meditation | Plus: Books + a few recents
My experience at Vipassana and the books I couldn’t stop thinking about
I first heard about Vipassana a couple of years ago when I was doing a yoga course in India. People I met there were going from an intense 6 week Yoga Teacher Training (think 4am-9pm with overnight homework) straight into Vipassana. I’d never heard of this meditation technique before but here were the key things I quickly grasped: it’s 10 days, you have no phone or contact with the outside world, it’s silent, you are still up at 4am, you do nothing but meditate for 12 hours a day and you’ll experience pain and have to sit through it. It sounded like the hardest thing ever and I immediately put it into my crazy box.
The seed must have been planted somewhere because I couldn’t stop meeting people in all sorts of random places who had done the course (was this synchronicity? Affirmation bias?). I even reconnected with an old friend who reminded me they had done it too, and I unlocked memories from 10 years ago of hearing about their experience… and most notably their attempted escape first time round. The overwhelming message from everyone I met was a simple “it changed my life” and the more I continued to think about it, it started moving from my crazy box to my someday box. I clearly couldn’t stop talking about it as a friend finally gave me the shove: “you need to either do it or stop talking about, enough of the someday!”. So I made it one of my resolutions for 2024.
Vipassana, as described by Dhamma.org, is an ancient meditation technique, rediscovered by Buddha and passed on from teacher to student for 2,500 years. The course I followed was by S. N. Goenka, a teacher who taught 10,000s of students across both the East and West, set up the practice and programme as it is now, and is credited with the accessibility of the course to so many. It is a 10 day intensive in order to give ‘fair trial’ to what is a very hard technique - can you achieve mastery of the mind in just over a week?
Whatever my expectations before the course, and I purposely went into it quite naive and not wanting to know the details of the days. I was amazed at what I found so hard. No phones or outside contact? Fine. No talking? Fine. No looking at others in the eye or trying to communicate in any way? Fine fine fine. The boredom however? My goodness, this was excruciating. I went at a time where I really was looking forward to a break, and found myself in the hardest work I’d ever experienced. I longed to read. I longed to walk further than a few laps of the very small but lovely wooded trail. It wasn’t until day 3 that I finally realised the only way out was through - I had to meditate. I could not possibly fill enough hours of the day with things to do, because the set up has been designed to stop you doing exactly that. And then there’s the pain - allowing your legs to simply go numb and not fighting it was something I never thought I would ever need as a skill in my life. In a quote my friend has since shared when I mentioned the pain: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.
I won’t attempt to describe the philosophy behind the technique, you can read more about that here, but I will say it is hands on, instrumental learning which I absolutely loved. The teaching is very well planned out, allowing you the ability to experience the benefits as you are being taught, taking you to a deeper level of understanding. I have recommended it to everyone I have met since, and I would love my family and loved ones to also share this unique experience.
Here’s what I learnt:
Trust and commit to the process you are following
You are more in control than you might think: Misery is your own creation and how you react to the outside world is within your power
Everything is impermanent - so trust yourself to make that bold choice
Freedom is stopping the creation of the mental image of yourself - in your own head and how you perceive it to be in others’ heads
Equanimity and awareness in meditation and in life are key
Memories and thoughts may arise through observation - let them come, be aware, but don’t follow them
Compassion and loving-kindness is the best way to end a meditation session and start your day
Outside of meditation hours are (many!) rest periods and this is where I was most likely to unravel on a daily basis. I was desperate to read and each night settled into my one Vipassana leaflet for the nightly reading ritual. Here are the books I couldn’t stop thinking about:
Discourses on Satipatthana Sutta by S. N. Goenka was mentioned to me by an old student a minute or so before we went into noble silence. One of my favourite things of the course were the evening discourses, and I longed for some additional reading material to learn more and go deeper as we experienced the technique. Obviously this is not allowed (and I’m sure I would be gently reminded by the assistant teacher to work on my cravings) however I am eagerly awaiting delivery of this from Vipassana Books. I’m seeing the slow delivery as an opportunity to work on my patience.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen seemed to be on loop in my head. I talked to myself constantly as I wandered the little wood on a daily walk (which I renamed a turn around the garden) and found myself using ‘capital, capital’ to chivvy myself along in the tougher moments. This is next on my re-read list, if only because I seem to have merged the 1995 series and the book together, both were such huge influences in my childhood. My husband and I frequently (jokingly) refer to things as ‘tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me’ and I loved this reference in the Cazalet Chronicles referring to a thank you letter as a ‘Collins’.
East of Eden by John Steinbeck also goes to the top of my re-read list post course. I thought about this a lot, perhaps because of the religious themes and references, focusing around good and evil, misery and happiness. I read it in my early 20s and have not been back to it since. I’m looking forward to seeing what I take away from it now a decade on.
Elizabeth Jane Howard’s Cazalet Chronicles might be my favourite discovery of the year and I am trying REALLY hard to pace myself through them. I love them so much, they are such a joy to have discovered and be reading for the first time. I can only imagine how many times I might have read them by now if I’d found them 10-15 years ago. I just finished Marking Time (book 2) before going on the course, and Confusion (book 3) was waiting for me upon finishing as a treat. The excitement of getting back to this book was very real.
American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld is one of my all time favourites and I craved being able to dip in and out of it. I love her writing and this book I think is my favourite of hers. Dealing with all the complexities of love and the courage and integrity of staying true to yourself, whilst also become part of something bigger. I always loved how gracefully she handles this story. Similarly, The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer was in my head. I think perhaps because of the summer camp vibes, which was not dissimilar to where we were staying on the course. Except we had rain every day and I think upstate New York in summer is far nicer.
If— by Rudyard Kipling, became a little pep talk, in particular this quote:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
Someone on the course mentioned they were now looking forward to re-reading De Profundis by Oscar Wilde, charting his imprisonment and spiritual development during the period. I have never read before, but it’s now in my to read pile.
You can find the full list here.
A few recents:
Read: A recent reading discovery which has revolutionised how much I read is having multiple books on the go at the same time. I was strictly a one book at a time person, however my husband always has 1 fiction and 1 non-fiction going in parallel. I also heard this podcast talk about having 1 fiction, 1 non-fiction and 1 memoir going in parallel. I think whatever works for you and your interests is great, but the idea is that whatever you’re in the mood for you are still using those spare moments to read. For me that’s currently 1 fiction, 1 wellbeing/spiritual, and perhaps 1 non-fiction too.
Watch: Chef’s Table Season 3, Episode 1: Jeong Kwan. Recommended by a course mate from Vipassana, and the most soothing and meditational watch.
Listen: Ajeet - this song reminds me of a spiritual version of Moana, which I mean as the highest of compliments
Buy: Losing all my money to the Florentine Dark Chocolate slabs at the recently opened Laderach in London. Ludicrous price, ludicrously good.
Disclosure: Books linked to above may earn a commission from Bookshop.org, whose fees support independent bookshops.